In episode #7, we talk about the ever-elusive work-life balance. Does this sound familiar? You’re working 24×7 while neglecting yourself and your most important relationships. You feel trapped and no matter what you do you can’t make it all work. If you could achieve a little more balance, everything would be better, right?
Join us as we share our perspective on work-life balance and some tips to achieve a better balance between your own personal and professional lives.
TIME-STAMPED SHOW NOTES:
[00:01] Introduction
[01:01] A Brief History of “Work-Life Balance”
[02:58] What is Work-Life Balance?
[07:16] Setting Boundaries to Improve Work-Life Balance
[08:43] Goal Setting to Achieve More Work-Life Balance
[11:14] Work-Life Balance Isn’t Just About Time, It’s Also a Mental Commitment
[14:13] Dealing with Work-Life Balance is Personal for Each of Us
[18:08] Final Thoughts
[19:47] Bloopers
A Brief History of “Work-Life Balance”
[Theresa] Work-life balance. The majority of people strive for this—whether you have a 9 to 5 or you’re an entrepreneur. But did you know that it’s a relatively new phrase?
In the early days of man work WAS life. You were either a hunter or a gatherer. If you didn’t work, you’d have an incredibly short life span.
Fast-forward several thousand years and life and work looked very different. In the 50s, 60s, and 70s, though, you never heard anyone complaining about not having enough balance in their life. You still had those hunter-gather roles with men as the breadwinner and women as the homemaker. I won’t get into who had the lion’s share of work here. Ahem!
[Meghan] Ha!
We don’t reflect much on how things used to be when mankind had to work to exist. Think about life before a grocery store, ya know? Consider what toilet paper woes looked like in prehistoric times! So when did we start thinking about work-life balance?
The phrase “work-life balance” didn’t make an appearance until the 80s when over half of married women joined the workforce. Who do you think said the phrase? Women! Women who were now acting as both hunters and gatherers were pondering work-life balance.
But by the ’90s, guess what? Men were heard to banter this term about as well. Here we are now. Almost everyone is longing for the elusive work-life balance, especially entrepreneurs!
What is Work-Life Balance?
[Theresa] What exactly is work-life balance anyway? According to Wikipedia, work-life balance is the lack of opposition between work and other life roles. It is the state of equilibrium in which demands of personal life, professional life, and family life are equal.
Kinda sounds like Utopia, doesn’t it, Meghan?
[Meghan] It really does sound like Utopia. The whole concept of balance feels very zen to me. Like balance is the ultimate goal that we all strive to achieve but never attain.
[Theresa] Exactly. While having everything perfect and in harmony sounds dreamy, I propose that work-life balance is a myth.
There will always be an imbalance when it comes to work and life. That’s a good thing!
Why, you ask? Because all of the magic in life–and business–comes in the extremes.
Think of a seesaw. It’s all ups and downs with occasional evenness in the middle. Now imagine life on one side and business on the other.
If life and business were in perfect balance, each side of the sea saw would be equally distant from the ground. It’s a great place to rest and refocus, but guess what happens when you stay there? That’s right. Nothing!
It’s the continual ups and downs, when the seesaw is out of balance, that the momentum is created and you experience the thrills that go along with the experience.
However, there would be consequences for staying in either of those extremes for extended periods of time. For example, if you stayed up in the air for too long, you’d have to work a lot harder to keep your balance and you could even fall off.
Let’s bring this back to a real-life example. Let’s say you plan to launch a digital course.
A lot goes into the process. You’ve got research, content creation, tech, automation, ads, and much more. Let’s say you plan to have a cart open period of one week. During that week, you may be doing multiple webinars, FB Lives, appearing on other people’s live streams, fielding questions, and dealing with tech issues. You’ll need to put in a lot more hours than you normally do and may even work evenings and over the weekend.
This is an example of an extreme. You’re business-focused. During this extreme, you put in the extra time and effort and that’s ok. It has a clear purpose.
There are still consequences because you can’t do everything. You might have to say no to a date night with your significant other, eat some meals in front of your computer, not binge-watch the next 5 episodes of that Netflix series you’ve been watching, or maybe you won’t make it to the gym for a few days.
Are you getting the picture? There’s no balance here. It’s ok though because you’re working towards something specific and your hard work will yield a result.
We need these extremes to grow personally and professionally. We are out of balance in these extremes. Accept that the scales will be tipped one way or another. There’s nothing wrong with that.
As entrepreneurs, we run the risk of staying in our professional extremes for far too long.
Working at an intense pace all of the time, you could consequently burn yourself out, damage close relationships, have increased stress, and even hurt your own health.
So, how should you think about work-life balance then? We have some thoughts to share on this subject.
Why don’t you get us started, Meghan.
Setting Boundaries to Improve Work-Life Balance
[Meghan] I’m happy to start. Since you’re a business coach, work-life balance is more your wheelhouse than mine, Theresa. Now, I’m a pro at struggling with work-life balance!
I definitely tend to work too much. Overworking is a problem for most business owners. You know, it’s tough to stop thinking about work. How do you limit the hours you focus on work?
We talked about this already in Episode 5, but setting boundaries is my best method to attempt a balance between work and everything else in my life. The only way I’ve been able to stop overworking and shut off my work-obsessed brain is by creating rules that I force myself to follow.
The boundaries make me follow a certain structure in my business and in my head. Otherwise, I’m liable to sacrifice way too much time on business stuff. I still struggle some, but boundaries have been a big help.
Goal Setting to Achieve More Overall Balance
[Theresa] Kudos to you for recognizing that and then setting some boundaries in the first place. Overworking is a serious consequence of not having any.
When you say overworking, it reminds me of earlier in my journey when all I could think about was work. Every goal I had set for myself was work-related. I ate, drank, and slept work. Ok, I wasn’t eating and sleeping! If you asked me what I liked to do for fun, though, can you guess what I’d say?
I was definitely work-focused. Did I say I was focused on work?
Not only was I physically and mentally exhausted, but my most important relationships were adversely affected also. We could do an entire episode on the negative health implications.
I grappled with the ever out of reach work-life balance. I knew I couldn’t continue on the way I had been. It occurred to me that maybe I should start setting some personal goals. Goals that reflected all of my life domains. Not just work, but self-care, family, faith, community, for example.
I have my business goals, usually two big ones for the year. Those help keep me focused and moving in the direction I want to go. I find that I work less while making more progress because my attention there is focused on priorities. Because of that, it naturally creates more time and space.
Then, I have my personal goals. I work on my personal goals with the same intention as I do my business goals. Because they are always in my field of vision, I work on them every day.
Business goals improve business. Personal goals improve life. Together, they get me closer to balance, when I am NOT working on a big project which would be one of those extremes we were talking about.
So when you think about goal setting make sure you’re including personal goals for yourself.
Work-Life Balance Isn’t Just About Time, It’s Also a Mental Commitment
[Meghan] Goal setting is on my to-do list for this month since it’s critical to success in so many ways, but as you know I avoid it.
This is interesting. I asked my husband if he thought I had improved the balance between my work and my life. Really, he’s the one who feels the brunt when I’m overworking. In the past, I’ve been horrible about spending way too much time at my computer and missing out on life.
So, he told me that he feels like in general, I’ve improved but that at times I’m still not as “present” as I could be. Interesting, yeah? He attributed that lack of “presence in the moment” as part of the stress and burden of entrepreneurship.
My conversation with my husband made me think about how work-life balance isn’t just about time on the calendar. It’s not just about prioritizing and scheduling better. You can time block all you want, but if your concentration and focus are on work even when you’re away from work, then you’re never living in the moment. MIC DROP!
I certainly can have a tough time detaching. My brain wants the items off the to-do list and it wants the projects done. I struggle with turning my brain off when I’ve got a lot going on but I think you owe it to your loved ones to be present in the moment. They deserve your full attention, right?
It’s important to realize that your lack of work-life balance affects those around you. I encourage you to ask your family and friends if they think you could improve in this area. You may learn something very valuable.
How We Achieve Balance is Personal for Each of Us
[Theresa] Oh yeah! Everything we do revolves around our mindset. To be different, you have to think differently.
All entrepreneurs experience an imbalance between work and life at different points in the journey. Chasing that ideal can be an endless pursuit and as I said earlier, work-life balance is a myth anyway.
I think it comes down to being aware of how you feel. You’re the only one who can tell when you’re feeling overly anxious because you’re out of balance.
What if next time you paid attention to your feelings instead of pushing them away?
Don’t ignore, explore. What is causing that feeling? Then think about what you can do to alleviate it.
When I am in a busy work season, I go with that flow. I pay attention to how I’m feeling and why I’m feeling that way. Then I make adjustments in my behavior and changes in my actions based on that self-assessment.
I’d love to be more specific, but here’s the thing: what I feel is balanced for me, might not be for you. There is no one right way or solution.
Let’s go back to that earlier example of doing a digital product launch. During that extreme, you are likely to be very out of balance, which can cause extra stress and anxiety.
Allow yourself to feel it. Identify why you feel that way, then figure out how you will deal with it.
Here are some possible solutions you may come up with:
- Decide you can handle the added stress because you know reward and relief are around the corner.
- Realize that you were over-ambitious on your timeline. Moving back your launch date might be a solution.
- Acknowledge that the tech was more complicated than you realized. Identify who can you ask for help.
Worrying about what you don’t have control over is exhausting. If you have the power to change something though? Take action on it. One small action can get you started.
I think that is what can help us feel more balanced. More in control.
[Meghan] That makes me think of something my mom told me. She said that you can’t escape anxiety and stress. You can’t walk around it. You’ve got to walk through it.
In other words, embrace it, own it, and—as you said—allow yourself to feel it. Surprisingly, this attitude does make you feel more in control rather than the negative stuff controlling you.
I love the mental imagery of walking through the stuff that feels like a barrier. It sounds goofy, but it’s really empowering.
Final Thoughts About Work-Life Balance for Entrepreneurs
[Theresa] Alright. I think I’d like to leave you with this final thought.
When it comes to work-life balance, the trap is that you’re focused on what you don’t have.
When you’re super busy with work, you wish you weren’t so busy. Then, when it’s slow you wish you were busier. It’s a never-ending cycle. The way to change it is to BE HAPPY NOW.
You don’t have to wait. Meghan?
[Meghan] Yes! Be happy now and live in the moment!
Before we end today, I have a few reminders you don’t want to miss. You can view the full show notes on our website at messydeskpodcast.com. You can also use our website to leave us a comment and suggest a topic you’d like us to cover. NOW – here’s the exciting part – if we read your comment on our podcast, we’ll send you a $20 Amazon gift card! So, that’s pretty cool and a good reason to leave us a thoughtful, engaging comment. Don’t you think?
Okay, that’s it for today! Thanks for listening and we’ll see you next week on The Messy Desk Podcast!
