What are the effects of comparison in business? And how you can change your mindset so that you feel better about yourself and your business? We answer these questions and share what you can do to improve your outlook right now.
TIME-STAMPED SHOW NOTES:
[00:47] Hellos
[01:31] What is Social Comparison Theory?
[02:13] Why comparing ourselves to others is bad.
[02:31] The comparison trap: Theresa’s story
[04:31] Common comparison thoughts
[05:04] Theresa’s realization about her own self-doubt
[07:43] Consequences of comparison in business
[10:11] What to do instead of comparing yourself to others
[14:48] Final Thoughts About Comparison in Business
The Risks of Comparing Ourselves to Others
[Meghan] Did you know that it’s pretty common to compare ourselves to others? It’s been studied for decades. In fact, psychologist Leon Festinger first introduced the idea of Social Comparison Theory in 1954. He hypothesized that we make comparisons as a way of evaluating ourselves. That this impulse is connected to the instant judgments we make of other people, which could be traced to the evolutionary need to protect oneself and to assess threats.
[Theresa] And while this was super important for early man, these impulses today can do more harm than good, especially for the entrepreneur.
When we risk comparing ourselves to others, it can cause more stress, amp our anxiety and prevent us from reaching our full potential. Simply, comparing yourself to someone else is a recipe for unhappiness.
[Meghan] That’s right, but here’s the thing. Everyone can fall into the comparison trap. That’s normal. The good news is that you get to decide how you let it affect you.
[Theresa] That’s right and ultimately it’s your choice, and sometimes it’s not easy.
Comparison in Business Can Lead to Feeling Inadequate
When you compare your success to others, it can have devastating consequences. For example, early last year I took a course on how to build a membership. I got completely snookered into comparing.
[Meghan] I don’t think I knew that.
[Theresa] Yeah, it’s hard. It’s really hard to not do it. I think many times we just look for it. But I had been wanting to build this membership for a long time. When I made the commitment to the course, I was so freaking excited, I couldn’t wait. But almost immediately, I found myself stuck in the comparison trap.
It started with a task to create a member journey. The idea was to create the journey that your customers would take from when they joined you, to when they would leave. I was really struggling with it. Of course, perfectionism syndrome crept up. I wanted to get it just right. So I went to our Facebook group to ask a question, and if I’m honest, I really wanted to see what everybody else was doing.
What I found in the group were these awesome images that other members had created depicting they remember journeys… amazing colorful charts with detailed descriptions, beautiful graphics with arrows, and these elaborate maps. There was so much in there.
But instead of finding it helpful, I immediately felt inadequate. Has that ever happened to you?
[Meghan] Yes, all the time. I think the word inadequate is perfect to describe how you feel.
[Theresa] My downward spiral started with thoughts like these:
- Why don’t I get this?
- Why are they understanding this and I don’t?
- I must be too stupid.
- If I don’t get this piece, I can’t move forward.
- If I ask for help, everyone will know that I have no idea what I’m doing.
- I can’t move forward without this piece.
- If I don’t get this is perfect as everybody else, I won’t be able to succeed.
[Meghan] And that’s mine. That last one is mine all the time.
Not Making Progress is a Danger of Comparison in Business
[Theresa] I started to sour on this whole process. Now, I didn’t sour on the course or the materials or anything like that, but really, on my own ability. Could I really do this? I wasn’t sure.
And if I wasn’t feeling bad enough, the course creator put in this bonus. What it was was a templated email that was plug and play. All you needed to do was copy the email, make it relevant to your membership, and send it out to your community before you even create it or know what it is. The goal was to get people to sign up right on the spot without even knowing anything about the product, as if people are gonna join your membership just from this email.
My first thought was, “That’s not gonna happen!” I never joined something without knowing what it is. And I thought it was ridiculous until I started looking in the group. I was watching this frenzied excitement of people that were actually launching these emails and getting people to join their memberships. These people were making, four and five figures on these launches.
I felt sick. The success stories that were intended to inspire me instead left me feeling less than, not capable, unworthy. I thought to myself, “Oh my God, the problem is I’m not good enough!”
Even though I finished the training, I did so with a heavy heart. I didn’t launch for another nine months.
What I’d done was judge myself too harshly and allowed what I thought I was seeing to determine whether or not I could be successful.
The funny thing…almost a year later I had an opportunity to speak with a few other people in that group, and I got a completely different perspective than I had put on this whole experience.
Yes, there were a couple who were running successful memberships who were so happy. But there was also someone who did the prelaunch and ended up having to refund everyone. And then there were two who were running a membership and they hated it. They absolutely hated it, and they felt completely trapped.
I had stalled my own progress based on what my own perception was. And it wasn’t even the truth.
[Meghan] It’s a really helpful story, Theresa. I think it helps to highlight some of the perils that come with comparing yourself to someone else, especially for us is entrepreneurs.
I remember you going through some of these things, although you hadn’t shared all of those details with me. So it’s really good to know more about what you went through.
One thing that really stood out to me was that you were comparing yourself with information that was incomplete or inaccurate. You know, you tend to look at other people performing, and you see their comments on social media and you don’t get the whole picture. Then you make these judgments, and it’s not really fair to yourself, and you end up holding yourself back.
[Theresa] That’s so true. You know, another consequence of comparison in business is lack of gratitude.
When you’re always focused on lack rather than abundance, it’s difficult to make progress or to feel happy about the progress you do make. In the back of your head, you’re always thinking about what you don’t have instead of what you do have.
[Meghan] It can damage your self-esteem. You never feel like you’re good enough. That’s a feeling I struggle with a lot.
[Theresa] Truly, comparing yourself to others doesn’t actually help you accomplish your goals. You can’t grow your skillset or your mindset if you stay in a place of lack.
But let’s be honest. It’s important to look at other things and sometimes you can’t help but look. You also can’t help the thoughts naturally creep up into your mind, even when you don’t want them to. While it’s a part of our nature, allowing that negative, jealous mindset to creep up stops us in our tracks.
Remember that my plan was to launch [my membership] within the first three months of starting that course, and it took me nine months to launch. Comparing wasn’t helping me accomplish the goal.
All that comparison wasn’t helping me launch my membership. What it did was keep me small and scared and feeling less than. It was difficult to keep a positive attitude, too. You just can’t grow there.
[Meghan] Yeah, exactly. We don’t want comparison to stand in anyone’s way.
What You Can Do in Place of Comparing Yourself to Others
[Meghan] So instead of comparing yourself to others, what can you do instead?
Stay in Gratitude Instead of Comparing
[Theresa] One thing you could do is stay in gratitude. I like to give myself a little bit of a pattern interrupt when that comparison starts. For example, when I was in that group reading about all these people who were doing these pre-launches, I could feel it in my body. Right in my chest…that tightness. The anxiety that made me feel like I was failing even before I began.
What I could have done differently was take a deep breath and then say to myself, “OK, is it true?” And then, “No, I’m not a failure. I didn’t even get started yet.”
Then think to myself, “What do I know? What do I have? What can I offer that I am grateful for that makes me different from everybody else?” So what’s one positive thing?
For me, that positive thought could have been that I’d taken the very first step by purchasing this course, and I’m going to do the work because I’m more than capable. Being grateful for my own smarts, for the experience that I’ve had is an entrepreneur. I probably had a lot more experience than many people in this course.
However, instead of focusing on the experience that I did have, I was letting myself stay small and feeling incompetent and inadequate based on information that wasn’t even true. I wasn’t focusing on foundational business beliefs that would have helped me so much during this time.
[Meghan] The thing about gratitude, is it makes such a big difference. What’s funny is when I was working in my 9 to 5 job and I would listen to entrepreneurs talking about gratitude, I thought it was just a bunch of garbage, basically.
I was like, “Wow, that’s just ridiculous.” But now, after being out on my own for a while, I really do understand how gratitude makes a difference.
[Theresa] Oh, for sure. That’s all about your mindset. You can be anything you want to if you could just stay in a grateful place. It really helps elevate everything, including the way you physically feel and you mentally feel. Always stop yourself when you feel yourself getting negative and going into that comparison trap. Ask yourself, “What can I be grateful for right now that will help me move forward?”
Focus on Learning Instead of Comparing
[Meghan] Good advice.
I think you can also focus on learning instead of thinking about how someone is better. Instead, consider what you could learn from that person. What can you emulate or improve on?
And I will say this, too. This is not about them. This is the thing with comparison that took me a while to get. I was always asking, “What are they doing? What’s their life like?” Really, that’s their journey. That’s not your journey.
Think about it in a different way. Look at it from a different angle.
This is your journey. You don’t need to compare yourself or your business to others.
[Theresa] No, you don’t. We can’t help but go there sometimes. If you can’t get into a place of gratitude, come back later and say, “This is what I saw that I liked. Is it something that can help me? Is it something that I want to improve for myself in what I’m trying to do?”
Celebrate Your Self-Improvement Instead of Comparing
[Theresa] Finally, one thing that you can do when you get stuck in that trap of comparing is celebrating your own self-improvement.
It’s really not about them. It’s about you. You’re not gonna change by looking outward and coveting what other people are doing or what they’re putting out there.
Change comes from looking inward. Growth comes from the inside. So while you can be inspired by someone, they can’t change you. Only you change you. Instead of thinking about how someone else is so much more successful than you are, instead think things like, “How far have I come in my journey? How am I better today? What do I know now that I didn’t know last year?”
Don’t forget to celebrate your growth. When we’re comparing, we get stuck in this false narrative. We have to bring it back to our own reality. Those answers are not out there, they’re on the inside.
[Meghan] That is seriously good insight. That is definitely my favorite thing that you just said.
Final Thoughts About the Perils of Comparison in Business
All right, I think that’s a wrap for today, but we want to leave you with this final thought about the perils of comparison in business and something to ponder.
[Theresa] Making comparisons are normal, but ultimately you get to decide what to do with the information you’re receiving. You can let it get you down, or you could do something constructive with it. That’s up to you.
[Meghan] What will you do the next time you find yourself getting stressed out because you’re comparing your success to someone else’s?
That’s it! We’ll see you for the next episode of the Messy Desk Podcast.
