In episode #1, we talk about how the “messy moments” – when things don’t go as planned in business and life- benefit you. Perfect is not normal! In fact, it’s those not-so-perfect times that actually lead to a-ha moments, personal growth, and opportunity.
Join us as we discuss what’s so gratifying about these messy moments and how surviving them helps you thrive and rise to the occasion. And, discover how things don’t have to be perfect to work out in your favor.
TIME-STAMPED SHOW NOTES:
[01:20] Intro to today’s topic: 3 Reasons to Embrace the Messy Moments in Business and Life
[03:06] What we mean by the term “messy moments”
[03:46] Examples of messy moments
[06:46] Messy moments and personal growth and transformation
[10:23] Messy moments and improved business processes and systems
[13:24] How uncomfortable messiness leads to new opportunities or adventures
[18:13] Wrapping it up
Introduction
[Theresa] How often do things in your business and your life go absolutely perfect. Almost never right? They say “the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” But the truth is that most the time you’re in the very messy middle of success, fumbling around, figuring things out as you go, and that’s actually a great place to be. Why? Well, that’s what we’re going to talk about in today’s episode of The Messy Desk Podcast.
[Meghan] Today’s topic addresses our podcast’s overarching theme. In fact, it’s how we named our podcasts. So, we think this is a really great place to start our conversation.
[Theresa] Exactly! Because no one is perfect, yet we strive for this ideal in business and life that isn’t realistic.
[Meghan] I definitely started out in my own business thinking that things were gonna follow a very specific path ahead. I had it all laid out in my mind. My vision and my expectations of entrepreneurialism were certainly different than the reality. No question about that.
Our Expectations of Perfection
[Meghan] I think lots of people can relate to this because we think that what we set out to do will go one way, and it just doesn’t. And we can’t help but think that things will go smoothly and perfectly because that’s what we see all around us on social media, on the screen, in the media. Really those things around us – and even us as human beings – are focused on perfection and success. It looks very much like an Instagram feed. In my brain, that was how my entrepreneurial journey looked – all perfect. But that is not how reality is.
It’s nothing like that picture perfect Instagram feed at all – with the beautiful color coordinated surroundings and neat and tidy desks. I know you can relate to that! The notion of everything being perfect pressures people, and it really promotes a full sense of what is normal.
How many people have businesses or lives that look like a perfect picture? Most people have messiness all around them, and most of us, like you said are fumbling around figuring things out as we deal with messy moments. That’s what real life and real business look like.
What are Messy Moments?
[Theresa] Yes! You know, I remember when we first were talking about the messiness of it all. That kind of became a consistent theme in any conversations that we were having. While we’re talking about messy, what exactly do we mean by messy moments?
Messy moments are when things don’t go as planned. It’s those everyday things that mess up your plans and throw a curveball into your perfect plans!
We’re referring to the things that don’t necessarily go as planned. Like when life throws you a curveball! Messy moments could be really major things like death, illness, or divorce. But more often than not, it’s those little, small things. It’s those everyday things that can mess up your plans or the unexpected things.
Examples of Messy Moments
[Theresa] Not all messy moments have to be big giant catastrophes. Often they’re small moments. Sometimes they’re even those embarrassing moments. Things like being late to or missing a client meeting. Actually, that happened to me recently!
I was really engrossed in a project. I kept looking at my wind up clock. It’s an old fashioned wind up clock that I never reset when Daylight Savings Time happened recently. So, I was an hour behind and still on fall time when we had sprung ahead already. And, I was getting messages all over the place. Oh my gosh, I was so embarrassed by it!
Other examples include:
- When you schedule a blog post, but there’s a tech mix up or glitch and it doesn’t go live
- You burn dinner because you got distracted by something else
- An argument with a significant other over a complete misunderstanding that wasted a lot of time and energy for no real reason
- Forgetting to pay a credit card bill then you go to buy groceries and your card is declined
I really had to learn this lesson over and over again. And that is saying yes to too many things or overcommitting. The results is that you end up letting somebody down because you’ve said yes to too many things.
No matter what type of messy moment it is, there are always lessons to be learned.
[Meghan] Those are really great examples of the messiness that most of us live in. It could even be physical chaos or disorganization, like the house or your desk is messy. Being out of control affects your level of concentration.
Imperfection and messiness are completely normal; perfection isn’t.
So, what we’re saying is that this is how real life works! Imperfection and messy situations happen, and they are completely normal. What is not normal is perfection.
How Messy Moments Lead to Personal Growth and Transformation
[Meghan] We have explained messy moments to you. But, so what? What’s gratifying about these messy moments? How does surviving the painful or difficult messy middle benefit us and become something positive?
Oddly enough, you typically and commonly thrive in that challenging, messy middle between when you’re starting something and when you’re achieving a goal. In fact, you probably spend more time in the messy middle than in those times of bliss and contentment.
[Theresa] That’s absolutely true! While those messy times can be rough, out of them you can completely shine.
The messiness can lead to great, positive outcomes if you’re open to seeing them. When you get there, you can shift your thinking and reframe those thoughts. You can reframe those times when things don’t turn out exactly like you wanted or go the way you’ve pictured in your head. And that’s how messy moments lead to personal growth and transformation.
The messiness can lead to great, positive outcomes if you’re open to seeing them. You can shift your thinking and reframe your perception to experience personal growth.
I’ve learned to love my messy moments because I often grow significantly when I’m paying attention. I take personal responsibility for those things.
Theresa’s Experience with Personal Transformation from a Messy Few Years
A few years ago, I was in the middle of a long messy moment. It was a messy few years for me, where I was working 16 to 18 hours a day. I wasn’t sleeping. I had horrible insomnia. And, I wasn’t eating. This sounds completely disgusting, but there were days when I didn’t even stop shower.
I was around for my kids and things, but I wasn’t present with anything that was going on. If we were at a family gathering, I was often like looking at my watch, wondering when is it appropriate to disappear in the corner with my laptop. All of these things affected my relationships in my immediate family, friendships, and business relationships.
This was a really low point. I knew I had to take responsibility for the place I had gotten myself into. It wasn’t anybody’s fault that I was where I was. It was mine. Once I was able to stop looking for blame or excuses, I took the responsibility for it, which was liberating and freeing. This lead me to having real conversations with my daughters, husband, and my parents about what I was doing wrong and what my plans were to improve and how they could help. I apologized for the times that I wasn’t there but didn’t dwell on the messy part. Instead, I focused on what I could do to move forward and move ahead.
It was amazing because my anxiety went away. During this whole messy time in my life, I was constantly anxious and had that tightness in my chest at all times. That’s how I felt all the time, which is a terrible way to feel. But once I was like, “Okay, this is my fault and now what do I need to do to fix it?” I started taking action on it. It just went away.
[Meghan] The relationship part we really don’t think much about how business and and personal are intertwined with one another. So often people talk about business, but that is also talking about life as an entrepreneur because you’re thinking about your business all the time unfortunately.
How Messy Moments Lead to Better Business Processes and Systems
[Meghan] Personal growth and transformation are definitely something that results from messy moments. Another way that messiness actually helps us is with creating systems and processes in our business. What happens is these messy moments or messy times shine a big light on what’s not working.
I have a personal story to share on this. 2015 was when I really started actively looking for clients and working on my business, which was more social media marketing focused at that time. I had someone contact me about this great opportunity to do their social media strategy and their marketing. This person was actually a TV personality. This was a big deal for me. Of course, I researched to make sure that this person was legit first.
In my mind, I thought, “Oh, this is going to be amazing!” This was potentially a huge opportunity for my business, so I was very excited about it. Long story short, I spent hours and hours with this person. I put tons of time into a proposal since he had basically told me this was a done deal. And then the dude ghosted me! He evaporated after the proposal.
[Theresa] Oh, no, I hate when that happens,
[Meghan] I followed up with him about once a week for a couple of weeks. I heard from him once. He said he would get back in touch with me but didn’t. He wasn’t professional at all, and he was just gone! And remember, it was a person who appears regularly on television. Honestly, I didn’t expect this at all. I wasn’t prepared for it.
Even though I was really disappointed and I felt this overwhelming sense of failure, I realized that I had to change how I was doing prospect calls to stop wasting my time.
Out of that messiness came my prospect proposal process. The process is much better now and more concise. I realized that I had to respect myself. I needed to really have confidence in myself and value my time more. That experience led me to something so much better in my business. Even to this day, I use that system, and it’s pretty effective, actually!
[Theresa] That’s awesome! Out of my messiness, came lots of processes and systems that were tweaked, made better and more efficient. Even just figuring out what’s effective for your business too when you pay attention. How do you improve constantly and make things better? And I didn’t know that story! That’s an interesting new tidbit. I’m gonna be grilling you later for more information!
How Uncomfortable Messiness Leads to New Opportunities or Adventures
[Theresa] The other thing, too, is that opportunities come from everywhere. What Meghan likes to call our “new adventures” that come around as part of the messy moments. Part two of my first story was eventually getting to the point where I knew I needed to completely change what I was doing career wise.
It was a movement that was a bit lateral to the left and then forward but still something new and different. I’d built a couple of businesses before the one that I’m currently running now. And those businesses I ran online, and I’m really good at hiding. I love hiding in my home. I’m an introvert, so I like being alone to recharge and rest. I like being around people, too, and so but my recharge time is definitely in the quiet at home.
Because a lot of what I do is on the computer, I was always hiding behind the computer, at the computer, in the house, and never going out or talking to anybody. Back then, I was in crafting hobby industry, so I didn’t really even see my colleagues except maybe twice a year at conventions. At that time, I was so involved in work that if you asked me what I liked to do for fun, I would have told you work.
When I was building this new business [referring to her current coaching business], I knew it had to be different. I really had to push myself way out of my comfort zone. For the type of product I offer, an online business wasn’t going to cut it. I was actually gonna have to go outside and talk to people!
I know. That’s scary, right?
[Meghan] Yeah, it is scary. I can feel the pain of that, you know how introverted I am. It’s very uncomfortable to go out and talk to people actually.
[Theresa] It is. At first, I didn’t know what it was gonna be like. I just started looking for opportunities to go. Then I would have to challenge myself. I say to myself:
“I’m gonna go to this event and stand in the corner.”
Or, “I’m going to go to this event and see if there’s somebody I know.”
Or, “I’m gonna go to this even and talk to one new person.”
In the beginning, what was messy about that was partly my uncomfortableness. The other piece of it was not really understanding and knowing how to speak effectively about my business. I would fumble. Maybe I wasn’t clear because I could see from the look on their face that they were confused. It doesn’t help solidify the thought process of “I really need to be networking and referral business, networking and referral business.” And then people would be like “Huh?”
Pushing through the messiness is what produces clarity and opens doors to new opportunities.
But being able to push through the mess of that, I was able to get a lot of clarity. When I started, I was focusing on one niche. However, I even changed my niche based on really great feedback that I got. With practice, I was able to close business. I was looking at who I was actually working with and asking, “What was it that I said or did that made you want to work with me?”
From there, I’ve had opportunities to have really cool collaborations with other folks. Working through the mess and not giving up can lead to really great new opportunities.
[Meghan] That is so true. Sometimes things happen in life that are uncomfortable. It’s either who we are or how we are. Sometimes bad things happen. I mean, we know that’s a part of life. But then sometimes it can turn around, and that can lead to these great opportunities that take us to new heights in our business.
You saying that you changed in a positive way as a result of that…I love that because it’s very raw for me. Of course, I can relate. As an introvert, the last thing I want to do is network.
[Theresa] Yeah, you don’t want to go out and talk to people at all. I mean, it’s not that we don’t want to talk to people. We like people! Let’s be clear about this: we really do like people.
However, it can be really exhausting for an introvert, depending on how introverted you are. We really are both introverted. Sometimes I would call myself an extroverted introvert.
[Meghan] You’re really an ambivert then.
[Theresa] Yes, I know that’s a thing, but not a lot of people know that term. Of course, you know what an ambivert is. That’s not surprising to me at all.
[Meghan] I look these things up.
[Theresa] You do!
Our Final Thoughts on Messiness in Business and Life
[Meghan] Alright! To wrap it all up, messy moments can definitely be painful. But they can also lead to personal growth, better business processes, and new adventures. The messiness is normal. The perfection is not.
[Theresa] And you know, I think that’s it from us today. But we’d like to leave you with a thought and a question.
First, we want to remind you to celebrate your messiness. You absolutely have too. And then take a few minutes and think about a messy moment in your life. What did you do to overcome it? And how did that make you feel?
[Meghan] Sounds good! I’ll see you next time, Theresa. Was great talking to you today.
[Theresa] Same here Meghan.
